hw and other things

I had quite a hefty amount of homework to do last night, which is quite irregular - but I didn't finish it all. I'm so out of the loop that I just kept on chatting away into the night.

Tim: just drop a whale on Venezeula and solve poverty!

And 5th buisness? T_T....Haven't done, I also failed my partners by not writing the script. (I had my reasons)

Silly Renae! (Oh no, now I'm saying it too....)

I have approximatly 10 minutes to write *in detail* about my weekend, because I want to, but I doubt I can in such a short time.


-------------------------------------------------------


Two days later:

Wow, I never got around to that - silly me, and I don't think I ever will. Started working and for those who want to know the details they can just ask me. Gah...this weather is frustrating and annoying, it's cold, it leaves my skin dry, and it makes me want to sleep all day.

I think I'm coming down with something but I'm not sure what - I've discovered something new about myself and that is that I hate working. lol Especially in winter...(I don't know...) Often times I wonder if it's wrong to feel this way..."ohh you'll feel so good when u get ur first paycheck"

Yeah, yeah...all I want to do is sleep and play l2...I haven't played l2 in so long. L2...L2...oh how I miss you're mindless level grinding. I swear to (uh?) the stars that I'll never be unhappy with being bored or this so called LONELY (how I wish for free time) ever again.

Stupid R, Stupid R - where are you going?

I've made mistakes that I am regretting this yr, ie. school and work - and it's frustrating. This whole winter feels like it is taking FOREVER.

I began thinking about how whenever I would do things I didn't like I'd just shut my brain off and follow instructions like a robot - a nod here, a smile there. Perfect. You're all set, "R". I've been trying really hard, I noticed, to not put myself in such situations and have forgotten how to do so. I'll have to start again, it's almost 3pm...about one hour until I gotta go. I don't want to, but I'll shut off my brain and sit it out like a brave little girl, and if in the end when my temp is up I'll be presented with my freedom...I only hope I choose wisely.

I've also begin realizing that I'm, as nicely put my the security guard at my work, "Daddy's little girl." I don't particularly like these types of girls, but nonetheless I haven't failed to notice how SPOILED I am.

What can I say - I like it? Is that bad? I'm not sure. I want to continue being spoiled so I can snuggle up in a blanket and go MMM warm...warm blanket.


Blah.

I'm trying, which is another reason why I have this job. I hope its not cold there....



ne way I'm off my friends.

lubz forever


-star

only the nose KNOWS

ok so im back!

FROM THE LOO!

i had to do a bit of TACO SMACKO ~ <- that's so lame.

i *would* go into a LOT of detail but im soooooooooooooooooooooo tired, i havent slept since thursday night, and even then i wouldnt normally consider it a good sleep - so u can imagine fri night and sat night.

ah...i guess i want to say is that im rlly glad i went. it was so fun, and the world w/out parents seems so...strange? yet cool. it was great because we didnt have to say bye...well, we did, eventually, but it lasted pretty long and it was rlly fun. the company/people that i spent time w/ (friends and newly met persons) was great! it was so amazing to meet such cool people and to have so much fun.

man...i did so much, it was like a whole different universe! thx ken and lynn (altho i doubt ull read this!) for dragging me around the place and taking care of me - ahhh hahah

ah i dont know wat to say, im still shaking off this feeling of dread...when i think back at how much fun i had everything seems so warm, but now im facing reality again. as soon as i got home my parents were asking things like wat i was going to do about my job..when i was gonna study for it, when i was going to clean my room...blah blah blah - i mean, i had JUST got home? watz up w/ that.

it made me feel rlly shitty when my mom said, "enough fun, it's time to start studying." im not rlly sure how to explain how that made me feel, it was like a slap to reality and not a very good one. i feel like flailing to the ground in agony (sort of like how emerson did when he attempted a "rofl" L-O-L) whenever i think of school and work...school and work, its like something is squishing my heart. i think work will be fun, but i feel this ever-present dread...i feel like i wont be good enough. lately im always wondering that - am i good enough? of course i can probably all link it back to my childhood and the countless memories i haf of being rejected by supposed "friends" and just people in general - it's not good to feel this way. i know this...but i find more and more im debating myself on whether or not i should be feeling a certain way - does thinking this make me annoying? will saying this make me shameful? will wanting this make me a bad person? i found myself envious of all the friends that lynn had at loo, knowing that if ever i went there id probably be a hermit who just reads books all day. or the shadow that (maybe?) follows my roomate...or whoever else decided to "adopt me" everywhere, and then eventually annoying them to the point where they tell me to get a life. and then, even now, im thinking to myself - why are u complaining? stop being such an annoying person, no1 wants to hear u complain. it's all so vicious, i just want school to be over, i hate it so much and when i start to think of why im not rlly sure. it just gives me such a cold..boring feeling. there's nothing to do there, i dont haf fun, and maybe ppl will argue that's because i dont try to make friends and that...well, life isnt always fun.

does this mean i hafta grow up? face reality? accept the facts? stop being such a lazy-ass?

i guess, but ezier said then done.

i dont know, i guess im incompedent? (dun wanna look up the spelling atm)

aww...but, enough of all the sad stuff, i guess. this weekend...it was so cool, and so awsome. im rlly glad i went

=D im so tired...itzshee 10pm, sorry i didnt say more about the trip, ill try to put more tmorrow i guess


*looks around and wonders why her boss didnt phone to give her the week's scheduale.....*doom**